Make Peace With Your Child’s Temperament: Understanding Your Child
- R.M. Couse
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Parenting doesn’t become calm because life gets quieter.
It becomes calmer when we gain clarity—even in the middle of the storm.
This month, I’m exploring the Understand Your Child pillar of the Thrive Together Parenting Framework, because understanding what’s happening beneath behaviour helps parents respond with confidence and steadiness, no matter what the moment brings.
One of the most powerful (and often overlooked) places to start is temperament.
Understanding Your Child Starts With Temperament
When I was expecting my second child, I was feeling pretty confident. My first child was easygoing—he slept through the night early, adapted easily to new environments, and could fall asleep anywhere. I must be doing something right… right?
When my second child arrived, I quickly learned that it had far more to do with temperament than my parenting. This baby had a completely different temperament, one that challenged everything I thought I knew about being a mom.
It’s easy to fall into the belief that something is wrong with my child or something is wrong with my parenting. Neither is true.
Every child has a unique way of experiencing their environment and their relationships. That’s temperament.
When we make peace with our child’s temperament—rather than trying to change it—parenting often feels less reactive and more connected.
What Is Child Temperament and Why It Matters
Temperament describes how a child responds to the world. Some children are more sensitive to changes in routine or environment, while others go with the flow. Some react intensely; others are calm and steady. Some are easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds, or light, while others seek stimulation and novelty.
These differences aren’t behavioural problems. They are natural variations in how nervous systems are wired.
The Research Behind Child Temperament
Temperament has been studied for decades. Researchers Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess identified nine core temperament traits that help explain how children experience the world:
Activity level
Rhythmicity (regularity of sleep, eating, routines)
Approach or withdrawal
Adaptability
Intensity of reaction
Sensitivity
Mood
Distractibility
Persistence
Every child has a unique combination of these traits. There is no “ideal” temperament—only different needs for support and understanding.
When Temperament Differences Create Parenting Stress
Some temperaments feel like an easy fit for parents, while others create daily friction.
You might function best with routine, but have a child who doesn’t sleep or eat predictably. Or you may prefer flexibility, while your child needs structure and consistency to feel safe.
Without understanding temperament, these differences can lead to frustration and disconnection. With understanding, they become information, not personal failures.
Making peace with your child’s temperament and your own helps you meet both of your needs, because your well-being matters too.
Is It Temperament or Behaviour?
Parents often ask this question.
A helpful place to start is observation:
Notice patterns
Look for what repeats
Get curious instead of critical
If your child consistently melts down in busy places, they may be sensitive to noise or visual stimulation. If your child clings during playdates, they may be slow to warm up.
Ask yourself: How might my child be experiencing this moment?
How Understanding Your Child’s Temperament Builds Emotional Regulation
When temperament is at play, connection matters more than correction.
Instead of asking, How do I stop this behaviour?
Try asking:
How can I connect right now?
What does my child need to feel safe?
Understanding your child’s temperament doesn’t eliminate challenges—but it changes how you meet them.
It reduces reactivity, increases compassion, and helps you stay grounded even when things feel messy.
Look for the small wins:
A smoother transition
Less resistance
A moment of connection where there used to be tension
You might reflect on these questions:
Which of my child’s temperament traits feels most challenging for me?
How can I meet them where they are, instead of where I hope they’ll be?
Supporting temperament might look like pacing the day to match your child’s energy, offering noise-reducing headphones, or trusting that your child will engage when they’re ready.
These small adjustments build coping skills that support emotional regulation over time.
Making Peace With Temperament Is an Ongoing Practice
Serenity isn’t freedom from the storm—it’s peace within it.
Understanding your child gives you the clarity to find that calm, even when parenting feels anything but predictable.
~Rose Couse~
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Ready to Go Deeper?
If this message resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to join the waitlist for the Thrive Together Parenting 12-Week Program — a space designed to support you as you build more connection, calm, and confidence in your parenting.
Together, we’ll explore how to hold space for your child’s big emotions and your own — so that both of you can grow with more ease, understanding, and resilience.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin — one small, intentional step at a time.
~Rose Couse~
Subscribe to our monthly newsletter for blog updates, what's happening, topic information and resources
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