How to Hold Space for Your Child's Big Feelings: A Thrive Together Parenting Approach
- R.M. Couse
- Nov 1
- 4 min read
As parents, we often wish we could fix things — smooth over the hard moments or “make the big feelings go away.” But what our children truly need is our presence, our attuned connection, and a safe space where they can feel fully seen and understood.
Our children need us to hold space for their big feelings — without judgment and without trying to change or fix them. When we offer a safe environment to express thoughts and emotions freely, children learn to process their inner world at their own pace, with comfort, validation, and understanding.
It’s not the feeling that harms them. It’s feeling alone in it.
Children learn to manage big feelings — like disappointment, frustration, and anger — by experiencing them.
But if you grew up in a home where those emotions were shut down or seen as “bad,” it makes so much sense that your instinct is to protect your child from them.
To fix it.
To calm it down fast.
But here’s the thing — It’s not the feeling that harms them. It’s feeling alone in it.
What they really need is you — your calm presence, your reassurance that it’s okay to feel.
That’s how emotional resilience grows: not by avoiding big feelings, but by moving through them — together.
Using the Thrive Together Parenting Framework
The four pillars of the Thrive Together Parenting Framework — Connection, Know Yourself, Understand Your Child, and Intention — offer a powerful foundation for holding space and nurturing emotional resilience that lasts a lifetime.
Connection
Always start with connection. Connection helps us step out of control mode and truly see our child. It helps both of us regulate and return to safety.
Connection might look like:
Getting down to your child’s level
Softening your voice
Offering a gentle touch or simply being nearby
Taking deep breaths together
Modelling a calming technique
Naming what you see: “You really wanted that toy.”
Validating their feelings
Reflection Prompt: How can I connect with my child in this moment?
Know Yourself
Self-awareness is your superpower.
What are you thinking in this moment? Is it helpful? If your inner voice says, “My child is being bad,” it makes sense that you feel frustrated or angry. Your feelings are always valid.
But when you shift your thought to, “My child is having a hard time right now,” empathy naturally grows. You move from wanting to control the behaviour to wanting to support your child through it.
Your thoughts influence your feelings, which shape your actions.
Knowing yourself helps you shift from knee-jerk reactions to intentional responses that feel good for both of you.
Reflection Prompt: What am I thinking and feeling? Is it helpful?
Understand Your Child
Your child’s brain is still developing. When their emotional brain (the amygdala) takes over, their thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex) goes offline. They need your calm brain to co-regulate and guide them back to balance.
In those moments, they often don’t know why they’re upset or what they need — they just feel overwhelmed. When you can recognize the need beneath the behaviour, you can help them find calm and move forward.
Reflection Prompt: What does my child need right now?
Intention
Intention means aligning your actions with your values.
How do you want to respond to your child’s big feelings? What steps can help you do that in the moment?
The acronym RAVS can help you remember:
Regulate – Ground yourself first. What helps you regulate your nervous system so you can connect and co-regulate with your child?
Acknowledge – Name your child’s experience. “You really wanted to keep playing.”
Validate – Affirm their feelings. “It’s hard to stop when you’re having fun. You’re really upset.”
Support – Once calm returns, help them move forward. “How can I help?” or “What should we tidy up first?”
Reflection Prompt: How do I want to show up for my child?
Growing Resilience — Together
As parents, we are the steady presence in our child’s world — the calm in both the storms and the quiet. When we hold space without judgment or fixing, we teach our children that all feelings are safe and manageable.
With every challenge, we’re planting seeds of resilience, trust, and emotional strength — helping our children grow knowing they are never alone on their journey.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If this message resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to join the waitlist for the Thrive Together Parenting 12-Week Program — a space designed to support you as you build more connection, calm, and confidence in your parenting.
Together, we’ll explore how to hold space for your child’s big emotions and your own — so that both of you can grow with more ease, understanding, and resilience.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin — one small, intentional step at a time.
~Rose Couse~
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