Regulation for Parents: Holding Space for Your Own Feelings

Your Feelings Matter!

Morning thought: Today, I’m going to be a calm and connected parent. 

Night thought: Why did I yell at my kids again? They just wouldn’t stop. I was so frustrated — I didn’t know what else to do.

No one wants to lose it on their kids. But it happens — often because we’re stuck in what I call the React, Regret, Repeat cycle.

• React: We have a knee-jerk reaction or stay calm the first few times, then explode on the sixth.

  
  

• Regret: Later, we feel awful and replay it in our minds, adding guilt to the frustration.

  
  

• Repeat: And the next day, it happens again. Nothing changes — because the underlying feelings haven’t been understood or tended to.

  
  

The truth is, staying regulated as a parent doesn’t mean never getting upset.

It means learning to notice, name, and nurture your own emotions so you can respond — not react — when things get hard.

One simple way to start is by practicing the acronym ACT:

A – Awareness 

Begin by acknowledging what you’re thinking and feeling before you lose it. At first, this might only happen after the fact — during reflection — but over time, awareness will show up in the moment. 

Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling in my body right now? (Tight chest? Racing heart?)

  
  

• What story am I telling myself about my child’s behaviour?

  
  

If you’re thinking “They’re being disrespectful” or “They’re doing this on purpose,” it makes sense that you’d feel angry or powerless. Awareness helps you pause and choose a different path.

C – Challenge 

Not every thought we have is true or helpful.

Ask yourself:

• Did this thought help me stay calm?

  
  

• Is there another way to see this situation?

  
  

Try shifting from “My child is giving me a hard time” to “My child is having a hard time.” 

That small reframe opens the door to empathy — and regulation — for both of you.

T – Take Action

Nothing changes unless we do something differently.

 Ask yourself:

• How do I want to show up in this moment?

• What do I need to feel grounded again?

Here are a few in-the-moment strategies you can try:

• Breathe before you speak. One slow exhale can reset your nervous system.

  
  

• Ground your body. Feel your feet on the floor, relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

  
  

• Step away briefly. Take a few seconds to collect yourself before addressing your child.

  
  

• Use self-talk. Try “I can handle this,” or “My child needs me to stay steady.”

  
  

And here are some proactive practices to support long-term regulation:

• Start your day with intention. Before the rush, take one minute to breathe, stretch, or journal.

  
  

• Check in with yourself regularly. Notice when your stress is building and address it early — with a walk, a break, or a conversation with someone supportive.

  
  

• Prioritize rest and nourishment. Fatigue and hunger are often behind our shortest fuses.

  
  

• Reflect without judgment. At night, instead of “Why did I yell?” try “What was I needing in that moment?”

Regulation is a practice, not perfection. The more you tend to your own emotional world, the more space you create for your child’s. When you hold space for your feelings with compassion, you model exactly what you hope they’ll learn to do.

If this resonates and you’re ready to go deeper, I invite you to join the waitlist for my 12-week Thrive Together Parenting program — where we explore practical tools for staying regulated, connected, and intentional in everyday parenting moments.

~Rose Couse~

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