Holiday Resilience: Understanding Your Child
- R.M. Couse
- 22 hours ago
- 4 min read
Visions of the perfect holiday season dance through parents' heads. Children frolic in their finest, picture-ready holiday attire. They greet each activity with excitement and joy, exude gratitude for every effort you make, and spread cheer wherever they go.
However, the reality is often very different. Children whine, cling, have meltdowns, and can switch from joy to misery in seconds.
The whirlwind of holiday activities can easily overwhelm children. Changes in routines, unfamiliar places and people, and sensory overload from noise, crowds, or even too much excitement can create stress. This activates the fight, flight, or freeze response in their nervous system, leading to emotional outbursts, regression, or even physical symptoms like illness. (My son often spiked a fever on Christmas Eve when he was young — a clear sign his body had reached its limit.)
Balancing your desire to create a memorable holiday with your child’s need for stability can be a challenge. Fortunately, with some awareness and planning, you can create holiday experiences that are fun and meaningful while nurturing resilience for both you and your child.
This is where the Thrive Together Parenting Framework offers guidance — especially through the pillar Understand Your Child.
Understand Your Child: Meeting Them Where They Are
When you understand your child, you look beneath behaviour to see what’s really happening. You notice their patterns, preferences, sensitivities, and signals. You remember that behaviour is communication — especially during high-stress times like the holidays.
Awareness of your child’s temperament, developmental level, and current state can help you anticipate challenges and respond to their needs with empathy and intention.
1. Temperament
Every child has a unique approach to the world. While some naturally adapt to the holiday hustle, others may struggle with changes, becoming more emotional, clingy, or restless.
Flexible children tend to handle transitions and new experiences with ease. Less flexible children may find routine changes or unfamiliar environments overwhelming, displaying behaviours like tantrums, withdrawal, or defiance.
Understanding and appreciating your child’s temperament allows you to plan for smoother experiences — and to support them with compassion when things don’t go as expected.
Practical Tips:
For children sensitive to change:
Offer advance warnings about schedule changes.
Pair new experiences with familiar comforts (a toy, song, or blanket).
Avoid multiple big transitions in one day.
For children sensitive to sensory input:
Provide quiet breaks between activities.
Teach them to signal when they need downtime.
For children uneasy around unfamiliar people:
Let them warm up at their own pace.
Offer reassurance and advocate if relatives pressure them to engage or hug.
For high-energy children:
Build in outlets like outdoor play or active games before events.
2. Developmental Level
A child’s developmental stage shapes how they experience and respond to holiday stress. The prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for regulation and problem-solving — isn’t fully developed until the mid-20s. Younger children, especially, rely on adults to help them regulate.
Practical Tips:
Involve your child in planning. Even young children like to know what’s coming next.
Prepare them for new experiences. Practice greetings, gift-opening, or transitions.
Stay close and attentive. Step in early if you see rising emotions.
Validate feelings. “It’s hard when things feel different,” can go a long way.
Balance stimulation and rest. After big gatherings, plan calm, familiar activities to help everyone reset.
When you understand where your child is developmentally, you can meet their needs with patience rather than frustration — a key part of connection and resilience building.
3. Current State
Your child’s physical and emotional state — tired, hungry, excited, anxious — affects their ability to cope. Small stressors feel bigger when needs are unmet.
Practical Tips:
Maintain routines when possible. Predictability builds security.
Prioritize regular meals and snacks. Low blood sugar magnifies stress.
Balance busy and quiet times. Alternate high-energy events with downtime.
Bring comfort items. A favourite toy, stuffy, or playlist can soothe in unfamiliar settings.
Leave room for flexibility. Build in unscheduled time for play, rest, and reconnection.
By tuning into your child’s current state, you can respond before behaviour escalates — and model what it means to notice and care for your own needs, too.
Bringing It Back to the Framework
Understanding your child helps you respond from empathy rather than reactivity — but the other pillars of the Thrive Together Parenting Framework support you in this process, too:
Connection helps you repair after conflict and stay emotionally close.
Know Yourself reminds you to check in with your own limits and triggers.
Intention keeps you grounded in what truly matters, even when plans go awry.
When you weave these together, you create a foundation for calm, connection, and growth — even in the busiest season of the year.
Final Thoughts
With a little awareness and flexibility, you can meet your child’s needs while creating meaningful holiday memories. The holiday season doesn’t have to be defined by stress or perfection. Focus on what matters most, protect your peace, and simplify wherever you can.
And when things don’t go as planned — because they won’t — remember that these moments are opportunities for your child to build resilience, with your support and unconditional love.
That’s the real magic of the holidays. And it’s the heart of what it means to Thrive Together.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If this message resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to join the waitlist for the Thrive Together Parenting 12-Week Program — a space designed to support you as you build more connection, calm, and confidence in your parenting.
Together, we’ll explore how to hold space for your child’s big emotions and your own — so that both of you can grow with more ease, understanding, and resilience.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin — one small, intentional step at a time.
~Rose Couse~
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